Pete In Training

     Irrational thought of the day: It's not that I don't like drinking, I love it. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I'd drink everyday!

    By the time I was 30 I'd had two doctors, one of them an addiction specialist, tell me that I was in the late stages of alcoholism. "So this is kinda serious?" (My response.) I've spent a large portion of my adult life battling this, so I don't know much about the real world. What I do know, (how to barely survive on the streets), doesn't apply. So how do I get along in civilized society? I do what I've always done. I wing it. Some days it works surprisingly well. Some days I fail miserably. All I know for sure is that I've been training my whole life to be the man God is turning me into today!

     You can't go to school for the things I know. I don't think you'd want to. Sure you can do extensive research on addiction. You can learn about genetic predispositions. You can read up on the adverse reactions an alcoholic's body has to the process of digesting alcohol causing the alcoholic to experience overwhelming urges to have more! -What is the phenomenon of craving! But that's not going to tell you what it feels like to wake up in a jail cell with no idea why you're there (public intoxication), or a hospital with no idea why you're there (overdose), or a park bench with no idea why you're there (Jose Cuervo). I use that description because waking up somewhere with no recollection is one of the more horrifying experiences I've had as an alcoholic.

     Stay with me now because it's not all blackouts and stories about the addiction bogey man! There's a bright side. The side I should be focusing on. With my new life in Jesus, God can use every single bit of my story for His good.

Hebrews 7:25 Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. NIV I particularly like the words "save completely." That covers any questions I might've had. "But what about..... save completely!"

    I have what I'll call a plethora of training experiences in the hardships of addiction. What it does to the spirit, body, and mind. What it does to families and friends. What it takes to not give up, and what it takes to save you if you do (a miracle).

     I used to view my alcoholism as my downfall. The one thing that would always disqualify me from having a decent life, but through God it can be a redeeming quality in me. Never do I feel a stronger sense of purpose then when I'm working with another alcoholic. It is my specialty. How might you use your own heart ache to help someone who's hurting? We've all been through something. Who is your life training you to be? Call on God to find out what it is. He's giving beauty for ashes!

Hebrews 13:20-21 Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. NIV





 

There Is No "I" In Denial

Doctor: Have you experienced blackouts because of your drinking?
Alcoholic: I don't remember.

The most important component of my independence from alcohol and drugs is my continual acknowledgement of my total dependence on God. Admitting I am an alcoholic was the easy part for me. The evidence was irrefutable. Where I slip up is admitting that I can't stay sober alone. For the longest time I had this illusion that once the alcohol was removed from my life, I was a completely "normal guy." I insisted that the only form of insanity I demonstrated was in regard to the drink. If this was true though, how is it that in the past I have been completely sober and walked into a liquor store, with full knowledge of how drinking affects me, and bought and consumed alcohol (got wasted). A "normal guy" wouldn't do something like that. A "normal guy" would think that's crazy. So it's conclusive: I aint right.

After a few devastating (but much needed) blows to my ego, I finally admit it. I need help. Lots and lots of it! I ask for it everyday, sometimes several times a day. As an alcoholic, the pride I have to swallow to ask for help isn't nearly as bad as what I'll go through if I relapse. I pray often. Sometimes my prayers are answered in discreet, quiet ways. Sometimes I don't even know or realize a prayer has been answered. But sometimes when a prayer of mine is answered, it's evident and tangible. So apparent that at that moment I can look to the sky and whisper, "Thank You."

So now I know that not only am I an alcoholic, but that the problem starts with me, not my drinking. My drinking is only a bi-product of the real issue: my thinking! So I need to be constantly running things by God, my support people, and my family. Thank you for reading!