There Is No "I" In Denial

Doctor: Have you experienced blackouts because of your drinking?
Alcoholic: I don't remember.

The most important component of my independence from alcohol and drugs is my continual acknowledgement of my total dependence on God. Admitting I am an alcoholic was the easy part for me. The evidence was irrefutable. Where I slip up is admitting that I can't stay sober alone. For the longest time I had this illusion that once the alcohol was removed from my life, I was a completely "normal guy." I insisted that the only form of insanity I demonstrated was in regard to the drink. If this was true though, how is it that in the past I have been completely sober and walked into a liquor store, with full knowledge of how drinking affects me, and bought and consumed alcohol (got wasted). A "normal guy" wouldn't do something like that. A "normal guy" would think that's crazy. So it's conclusive: I aint right.

After a few devastating (but much needed) blows to my ego, I finally admit it. I need help. Lots and lots of it! I ask for it everyday, sometimes several times a day. As an alcoholic, the pride I have to swallow to ask for help isn't nearly as bad as what I'll go through if I relapse. I pray often. Sometimes my prayers are answered in discreet, quiet ways. Sometimes I don't even know or realize a prayer has been answered. But sometimes when a prayer of mine is answered, it's evident and tangible. So apparent that at that moment I can look to the sky and whisper, "Thank You."

So now I know that not only am I an alcoholic, but that the problem starts with me, not my drinking. My drinking is only a bi-product of the real issue: my thinking! So I need to be constantly running things by God, my support people, and my family. Thank you for reading!